Across every every medium for artistic expression, "coming of age" type stories are capped, without fail, by the audience or character experiencing revelation; platforms and actions once held in holy regard are eviscerated by wisdom that comes only with age or the inability to dream, leaving nothing behind but evidence of how far flung and utopic they were in the first place.
I'm not talking about the time I tried to convince one of my friends that we could re-write the indie rock history books by purchasing a Roland Space Echo on ebay and trotting out our ramshackle Sonic Youth ripoffs for the aural pleasure of weeknight crowds at College Station's cowboy bars. I'm talking about the reality of a small burrito chain trying to make it in corporate America, man.
Don't change the radio station.
Wear the company shirt.
Yes, you are only allowed to have your legal name on your name tag. Which, by the way, has to remain visible at all times.
Freebirds World Burrito died in front of me today.
Full disclosure: I worked at Freebirds (Ridge Rock location, Fort Worth, TX) for about 2 years in the mid 00's.
I have a bad habit of letting the quality and perceived coolness of my work effect me emotionally. Re-phrased slightly, that would be a solid answer for personal favorite throwaway interview question "name some of your flaws" (from the 'scouting combine drug test' rung of interview questions, ie are they evaluating my answer for truth or just for how good it sounds/my ability as a competent liar), but I am totally serious here.
I had worked in food before, but Freebirds was different. In large part because it went out of its way to guarantee that; very much in line with such as Keep Austin Weird, etc.
Wear whatever you want. If your hair is long, tie it back... or let your hat hold it. Music in the lobby with mainstream cusses? No problem. Facial piercings? Sure! Tattoos? Go for it (as long as they don't cover >50% of your visible skin)!
The final request on the application was to "draw something that will help you get this job". I drew a loose interpretation of The Battle of Endor with flying burritos in place of X-Wings.
The general manager who hired me had a Mitch Hedberg quote on the back of her wedding invitations.
Some co-workers were 35 and had an un-ironic love for Tool, others were 24 and burst into Karaoke mode any time Benny and the Jets came on the XM54 - Top Tracks.
The point I am trying to make, is that you would never enter Freebirds and think you were in Chipotle or Q'Doba, or any other burrito store. It was different. Not because of the silly sauce names, the statue of liberty riding a chopper through the ceiling, or or any other method the store had for telling you so, but through sheer force of genuine personality. They somehow managed to collect a large number of employees who could be "different" without being distant or abrasive. Why management allowed these personalities to show, instead of crushing everyone into a tortilla steaming automoton a la Chipotle, I will never know. There is a reason no one is surprised to learn that Chipotle is owned by McDonald's (/not a dig at % of employees at those fine establishments who only speak spanish/don't understand english).
Personally, I would never have it any other way. Whether it was the classic rock on the radio, the bar stools on the wall with alligator clips to hold the morning's newspaper, or the ability to get a real answer to menu questions like "what is the difference between the sauces" (mild, hot, and really hot is not an answer. ie most people probably like being informed that ingredient #1 in Freebirds BBQ sauce is catalina dressing before ordering it), something just made Freebirds feel more... Human (?) than the other burrito-centric mexi chains.
Being the only person in my circle of friends+family who preferred it to its competitors made me question my taste, but also gave me the comfort in thinking it would "stay underground". If other people are happy paying $2 for guacamole, consuming water consistency queso + bewildering in its availability and completely flavorless corn salsa, all in a comically oversized tortilla taking shape in a burrito wrapped in a manner that lends itself to little other than sieving rice from the vessel (don't worry, there is enough rice for 17 people in a Chipotle burrito)... Let them keep it. More for me.
I have been to Freebirds three times since my last day working there in August of 2007.
Time 1 - They opened a location in Norman, OK in spring of 2008. I was dating a girl who was going to school in Norman. Sampling the new cuisine seemed like the natural thing to do, so we dropped by and found what was essentially a point for point recreation of the location I worked at. This appeased the Gods.
Time 2 - It's spring 2010. Stephanie and I were in Fort Worth to ride roller coasters and visit my parents. Stephanie ruined a month old pair of Sperry's, and I ruined my favorite J Crew belt #whitepeopleproblems. We dropped by my old location. I recognize one of the current employees as a coworker from back in the day. She was 18 and in high school then, sites set on UT Austin. Three years have passed and the spring semester is still in session... depressing. She doesn't recognize me; probably because I had ~10" less of head hair +100% less of facial hair than I had while I worked there. I don't recognize this white stuff with green shit in it next to the rice. I am informed that it is something called "cilantro rice". There is not a newspaper to be found in the store. These are not good signs.
Time 3 - Yesterday. Stephanie told me earlier this week that Freebirds opened a Tulsa location; I was ecstatic.
It probably didn't help that this location is in one of my least favorite shopping centers, not just in Tulsa, but in the world. The 71st/US75 center across from the Spine and Brain research place is a hell hole to be avoided at all times, if at all possible. They seem to be aware of this, as they are obviously trying to give people more reason to stay away by constructing one of every sit down chain restaurant to grace/sully the Earth. The last time we were there, I lived in an apartment and you could choose from Chili's or Buffalo Wild Wings. Now, there are 12349878907 different places that include ranch on every item in their lunch menu.
It also probably didn't help that this Freebirds location has foregone the utilitarian "10 bajillion brushed aluminum tables for two" lobby set up, in favor of the "4 giant tables to promote that communal dining thing that everyone hates" stylee.
I see the cilantro rice. Romaine lettuce for salads. Fucking Carnitas has been added to the meat selection. This is not looking good.
Girl who made my burrito favored the "make a pile" method favored by Chipotle, as opposed to the "spread it out" method taught by Freebirds from 2005-07. She couldn't ID sauces by any names I used, and had this weird drive to not tell me their actual names. Odd. Wasn't too concerned by any of this until I ate the end product and, like Chipotle, my burrito was segmented. First third meat and sauce, middle third rice, final third beans. Delicious?
They had no line discipline, made no effort to engage the customer, and the radio seemed to play every indie song to achieve mainstream success at any point in the last 30 years. This means we heard "The Fight Club Song" by the Pixies AND "The Garden State Song" by the Shins.
Kill Me.
We used to make our own hot sauce.
It was called "Death", and was essentially 2 parts vinegar to 1 part of the Habenero sauce that was also made in house. All of the sauces other than the disgusting catalina based BBQ were little more than reductions of the habenero sauce.
We made a 5 gallon bucket of Death about 3 times a week. It would be divvied up into small glass containers that would go on the tables such as ketchup at Chiles.
When I made Death, it was bright red. The Red-Orange crayon would serve as a good example.
Burt's was more of an Orange-Red.
Bipolar Eric's was suitably variable.
The Tulsa location has Death in labeled bottles... such as Tabasco. You can now buy it from the store.
This makes total sense. Control the product flavor and quality. Remove human variability via eliminating a time consuming task from the perpetually overworked cold side kitchen guys. Allow customers to take your brand home with them.
Can someone just tell me why it tastes like cumin now?
Welcome to the new dark age.
