Wednesday, July 20, 2011

How Does This House Continuously Fall Apart?

I think this blog is supposed to be about home improvement or something...

Since moving into the house around a year ago, I feel like more destruction than improvement has happened:
  • Hall bathroom toilet is in pieces (albeit because it stopped working and we tried to fix it)
  • Half of the trees in the yard are dead (unsure about why this happened)
  • A panel from the dropped ceiling in the kitchen fell out (replaced this yesterday though)
  • I stepped through the ceiling while exploring the "attic"
  • Buttons ate some of the carpet in the TV room
  • Buttons ate some of the wallpaper in the bathroom
  • The pool has turned into its own fragile ecosystem
  • The garden has been taken over by unruly weeds
  • The deck has some worrisome boards
  • Dishwasher has begun leaking and stopped draining
  • Bathroom sinks have stopped draining
How does this happen? Is this just what houses do? Fall apart? This isn't very fun. I thought it was going to be all painting walls neat colors and buying lamps!!
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Tuesday, July 19, 2011

On Milwaukee

Johnny and I had a lovely time in Milwaukee, Wisconsin with Moto and her boyfriend Bob. The weather was uncomfortably warm and sunny, the customer service left much to be desired, and our hotel room's air conditioning was nonexistent, but we had a good time nonetheless.

After a late flight and rental car upgrade (to a Toyota Camry), we arrived in Milwaukee around 2 AM Saturday morning. We met with Moto and Bob for breakfast later that morning at The Original Pancake House, where we all overate and immediately regretted it.

We headed to The Basilica of St. Josephat, a beautiful Franciscan parish in the heart of Milwaukee. We were hoping for a tour (the website indicated these occurred on weekdays), but to our dismay, tours were only given on Sundays after Mass. We wandered around the outside and took some (less-than-spectacular) photos.

Basilica!
After Google Maps Navigation led us through the city's Mexican ghetto, we arrived at the Pabst Mansion. (Yes, as in Pabst Blue Ribbon.) The tour was informative and interesting. The mansion was beautiful to see- even after a hundred years and a terrible paint job from the local Catholic Diocese, many of the rooms were restored to their original glory.  Johnny was particularly enamored with Captain Pabst's study, which was filled with secret doors and animal horns. There's still a lot of restoration work to be done, but it's definitely worth seeing if you're in town. I took a terrible picture of the Pabst Mansion, so here's a great one from their website.
Pabst Mansion
We headed to downtown Milwaukee after our tour, with the intention of finding The Fonz. Construction forced us to take the long way on foot; it would have been a very pleasant walk if not for the heat. We wove through a bustling scene along the river- cafes, shops, and even a few kayakers in the river itself! The Fonz didn't disappoint, although he did look a bit worse for wear. And he was so tiny! Apparently Henry Winkler is only 5'6" and the statue is life-sized. It was definitely kind of weird, though, especially when Johnny posed with him. Doesn't he look like some kind of freak??
No, that's what Johnny really looks like!
We decided to lunch at the Milwaukee Public Market. Or, rather, I decided to lunch there. Everyone else seemed content to look around and be amazed at the selection of food, beer, wine, and cheese. I wolfed down a Chicago-style hot dog.
Note the Subaru Outback friend in front. Nice!
After enjoying the air conditioning for an hour or so, we decided to venture out on a brewery tour. Our original intention was to try Lakefront, but the only tour available was the 4 PM. As it was only around 2 PM, we decided to try another brewery. We ended up at Milwaukee Brewing Company, which only had two spots available in their 3 PM tour. Since we didn't want to break our group up, we opted for the 4 PM. The tour was $7 and included a pint glass, token for free beer at a local bar, and 'samples'.

We took our free beer tokens and headed down to Steny's to kill time until our tour. While we weren't particularly impressed with the service and didn't get free beer (because we ordered the wrong beer), the food was perfectly fine. 

Johnny, Moto, Bob, and I headed back to the brewery around 3:45 for our tour and found the place packed. People were milling around everywhere! Some appeared to be from the last tour, some seemed to be on our tour, and some didn't seem to be on any tour. I thought this was odd, but quickly forgot about it when we were handed our pint glasses and told to start sampling. Moto and I tried the Flaming Damsel, a Vienna-style lager. I wasn't a huge fan, but I drank it anyway, determined to get my $7 worth of samples. A bandanna-wearing hipster attempted to round the crowd up in order to start the tour, but nearly everyone ignored him. Those of us that were paying attention gathered around to watch a informative video about the history of the brewery and their flagship beers. At least I think that's what it was about; yours truly took the opportunity to use the ladies and missed most of it. The only thing I recall is a statement about how they weren't too concerned with guests learning about the process of the brewing- it was more about taste, man.

Bandanna Hipster took us to a station with hot-pots and Grape Nuts and explained something about grist and wort. I couldn't hear well thanks to the rowdy crowd and was starting to feel a bit tipsy from two beers at Steny's and my free sample. The next station found us at a tap of four specialty seasonal beers (or something), where we were encouraged to get samples. I got a pint of something that tasted like Blue Moon, only more delicious. Bandanna Hipster herded us up a set of stairs to an enormous brew kettle. By this point, we'd lost about half our tour group to sample oasis, yet it was still impossible to get close enough to Bandanna Hipster to hear well. We eventually went back downstairs with the ever-dwindling group to fermentation tank. I imagine BH told everyone about how it worked; I don't know. We were then directed to a blissfully cool aging cooler and then directed to the packaging area. After a brief speech about environmental sustainability commitments, we were let loose and told to have more samples. I had two more pints of the Blue Moon tasting beer, making a total of 4 pints as samples. And then it dawned on me why there was an enormous, rowdy crowd. The tour was essentially a $7 all-you-can-drink extravaganza! I highly recommend it. 

At this point, Johnny and I were suffering from sleep deprivation (and in my case, drunkenness) something awful and begged Moto and Bob to take us back to the hotel. Moto came in with us (because she was staying there) and Bob went to meet with a friend. I had every intention of staying in the room only a couple of hours, until I stopped feeling tipsy and hot. Johnny and I immediately fell asleep, leaving poor Moto to fend for herself. I woke up around 1 AM, apologized, and went back to sleep. 

The next morning we ate breakfast at Kat's Cafe, which was terrific. We ventured out to tour Miller-Coors. It was much more organized, air-conditioned, and sober than Milwaukee Brewing Company's. Our chipper tour guide took us through the history of Miller and how all of our favorite (right) products are made. We saw brew kettles, fermentors, and the famous caves where Frederick Miller had packed the walls with ice to keep his beer cold. There were a couple of bizarre videos in which an actor portraying Mr. Miller appeared, but they were kept to a enjoyably hokey minimum. At the end of the tour, we were unleashed to the beer garden, where we were informed we must have a Miller Lite first, but could then choose two other samples of any product to try. 

They make sure you know it's historic.
I must digress for a moment. I am something of an accidental beer snob. Blue Moon is the cheapest stuff I drink. I think it's great. I also like expensive imported hefe weizens and fruity craft-brewed things. I support my local breweries. I don't touch Bud Light or PBR (even ironically). Most economically priced things taste positively disgusting to me.

So you can imagine my immense surprise when I took a sip of that icy-cold Miller Lite and it was delicious. Seriously. It was the best thing I've ever tasted. I attribute it to the heat of the day and the coldness of the beer. Otherwise, how can I live with myself?? I also tried their Honey Weiss, which was kind of gross. Moto had a shandy (I think Johnny might have too?) and we headed out. 

We decided on the Old German Beer Hall for a late lunch. Like Steny's, the service was dreadful, and the atmosphere was definitely ruined by a group of young boys who insistently pounded nails into a stump in the corner of the restaurant. Johnny and I split a sausage plate, which was amazing. We attempted to visit a cheese store, but unfortunately, it was closed for renovations. I was very, very sad. The three of us rested at the hotel for a bit, and then headed back downtown in search of dinner.

This was made difficult by fireworks shows (it was July 3) and Summerfest (a large outdoor music festival on the shore of Lake Michigan). Moto's GPS was bound and determined to get us to exit somewhere we couldn't. I can't really recall how we arrived downtown, but we did, and we even found free parking. We dined right on the river at Molly Cool's and enjoyed the view of boaters heading out to the lake for the fireworks show. The service was adequate and the food was decent.

Right on the river!
Bob invited us to meet up with him, but tired and full, we opted to head back to the hotel. I passed out immediately. I have no idea what everyone else did. I am best vacation recapper ever!

Monday was Bob and Moto's departure day. It was also the Fourth of July and Johnny's birthday! (I won't tell you how old he is, except that he's older than me and not aging well, folks. Just kidding! He's aging like a fine wine. Or something.) Thanks to the holiday, a lot of places were closed to celebrate independence or drinking or whatever. We lunched close to our hotel at Charcoal Grill & Rotisserie and then Bob and Moto departed. Johnny and I decided on a Brewers game for our afternoon activity. This may or may not have been influenced by the game's promo being $1 hot dogs. Ahem.

View from our club-level seats!
We arrived at the stadium to find minimal traffic and EXTREME tailgating. These people were going crazy with the grilling and drinking and sitting around. I don't know if any of them made it inside. I have never seen tailgating like this, people. Not even at polo matches, where people live for that sort of thing. Madness. We found out all the decent seats for the game were already sold out, so we bought some from some kind of legal scalper. I'm still not sure what happened there, but stadium security was ten feet away and totally fine with the transaction. We spent an enjoyable seven innings watching the Brewers waste a big lead. I ate too many hot dogs and drank too many beers before imploring Johnny to leave. He acquiesced, and we endeavored to find our car in the massive parking lot.

Back at the hotel, we watched Hoarders and decided we should never live without a DVR again. We ate dinner at Oscar's. It was the most delicious thing I have ever eaten. The chocolate frozen custard was amazing- sweet and slightly salty. The burgers were juicy and topped with very good pickles. The onion rings were fried to perfection. It was so good, in fact, we ate there the next night and did the fat thing and each got our own pint instead of sharing. It was easier that way. I promise.

Anyway, a Hoarders marathon later, we hit the hay in anticipation of an early morning and lengthy drive out to Spring Green, WI to see Taliesin. Trusty Google Navigation had us driving through weird backroads once we got off the highway, but we made it in plenty of time for our tour. It's safe to say we generally enjoyed the tour, despite the guide making apologetic jokes at Johnny about the low ceilings. (Johnny is 6'6.)

I was disappointed the tour didn't include things like the house's bathrooms or kitchen, and thought the guide was merely mediocre. She seemed to know her script and enjoy her job, but I didn't get the impression she was especially knowledgeable. And for the price of the tour ($47/ea), I felt it should include more Frank Lloyd Wright thingies and less standing around listening to a lady talk. If you're a FLW fan, I recommend coming out to Bartlesville, Oklahoma and touring the Price Tower. The guides are superior and the price is a lot lower. Heck, you can even stay there.

I digress. Taliesin was pretty and I think it made Johnny want to move to the wilderness. Here are some pictures!
Taliesin, from the side.
Back of the house.
Garden path.
Carriage path.
Some students' apartments.
View from the hill.
On our way back to Milwaukee, we decided to stop off at Sausage Haus Meat & Deli in Oconomowoc, WI. Johnny read somewhere (I don't know where) that it was the home of Bill Clinton's favorite sausage. (I am not Googling that, nor should you.) We got a little lost driving around the incredibly pleasant lakeside town, but finally found our destination and enjoyed an extremely flavorful Italian sausage burger kind of thing. It was well worth the drive and the navigation difficulties. Oconomowoc is indescribably perfect and I think one day we'll move there, but that's another post for another day. We returned to the hotel, ate at Oscar's, and promptly dozed off.

The next morning was an early one, as we drove back to Chicago to fly home. We only ran into about 30 minutes' worth of traffic in the Windy City, and returned our car and caught our flight with no issues. Back in Tulsa, we drove home, greeted the cats, and vegged out in front of NBA2K11 until bedtime. Bliss.

Overall, I really liked Milwaukee and Wisconsin in general. The people were nice without being aggressively friendly. Everything I ate was great. Everything I drank was good. The state is pretty relaxed about alcohol, which I appreciate. (After you live in the Bible Belt, you understand my point of view on this.) The traffic was fine. Milwaukee's downtown is fun and busy. I didn't get lost in any ghettos. It was definitely a good trip.

Many thanks to Bob and Moto for joining us in this adventure! Credit is also due to Foursquare, as I had to look up a lot of check-ins to recall names of places we ate. Thanks to my awesome vet for boarding/spaying Buttons, to Katie for feeding my cats, and my barn coworkers for feeding Gina.

Join us next time- we're gallivanting off to Austin, TX for Johnny's BFF's wedding in August!

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Sunday, July 10, 2011

hunted by a freak

I cannot remember the last time a thing, ie a tangible object, scared me. However, it has been just as long since a week passed where I did not foolishly allow myself to wander down a worm hole of progressively terrifying rhetorical questions.



Bristol Palin has a book? Who buys this? What do these people hope to take away from reading this book? What else do these people spend their money on? Is this connected to the persisting relevance of both the "coor's train" commercials, and the "confusing + non sequitur commentary on modern masculinity" miller light commercials???

When was the last time my favorite band changed? When was the last time I found an FM radio station that didn't do something to convince me to never listen to FM radio again within 10 minutes? How many cities will I fight this hopeless battle of finding a radio station that only plays 80's/90's alt-rock (nothing obscure, you can exclusively play REM - Green, Nirvana - Nevermind, and Pearl Jam - Ten, and I wouldn't complain)? When did my opinions on music change from twee leaning, humble brag, hipster ish, to a universal shout of "GET OFF MY LAWN"???

And most recently (with a simple epiphany): Man, I totally "get" the appeal of a Toyota Camry!

This car, starting at just over $20k, achieves an impressive 33 highway mpg with its peppy 4 cylinder despite no shortage of interior or cargo space. All seating positions are quite comfortable, and the driver has a clean view of all pertinent areas. The only thing that may hold up your purchase is choosing between "stone", "dark charcoal", and "graphite" for your exterior color!

Driving this car for a long weekend in a foreign to me city, it became abundantly clear that there is actually NOTHING wrong with it, yet the most positive thing I could find to say about it was "everything about this car is completely inoffensive". It is like instead of making a car with some outstanding feature to draw acclaim from colleague and competitor alike, Toyota chose to re-frame the argument of "what makes a car great", to make any potential dissenter seem absolutely mad, because any flaws with this car would have to be imagined. The only point against the car I could find, is that the interior controls give off a strong Jitterbug vibe (24pt font guys? and buttons I could easily manipulate with my toes... WHILE DRIVING??? I know who YOUR target demographic is!!!)

The ride is smooth, yet the handling is sharp.

The car accelerates well, yet is quiet and among the head of its class in fuel economy.

It is spacious, but easy to see out of and not totally ugly.

I totally understand why this is one of the best selling cars in America, but none of this could keep me from running to the car's privacy glass with the same fervor one hides the emblem of off brand clothing when amongst the cool.

There is no shame in the technology of this vehicle, but the gravy it poured over my personal brand prompted nothing but wishes to re-visit past decisions gone awry (also: 1000x cyanide tablets in my mouth).

You are probably laughing, but I'm afraid it may be for the wrong reasons. Let's try a different flavor analogy.

This car is sweatpants.

Comfortable. Functions adequately in any situation. Masks stains remarkably well. Everyone has a pair. You have to pay extra if you want any color other than white/black/gray.

But do you wear them when you care about the opinions of the people who will be seeing you?

NO!

I'm not saying I need designer jeans, or custom slacks for my every day, but come ON... sweat pants as your go to bottom is just depressing!

This car does everything I would ever need a car to do. Maybe I should ask all of my parents friends about how that plays out in the long run.

If finding yourself drawn to an object that is not only completely soul-less, but a scientifically backed designator of the onset of middle age, does not terrify you... then you have already lost. Paint the town beige and vote republican.
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Friday, July 1, 2011

We're Going to Milwaukee!

After receiving yet another toilet in the mail this week (thanks to customer service ineptitude), Johnny and I are taking a much-needed vacation. The destination? Milwaukee, Wisconsin! 

We're meeting up with friend and fellow blogger Moto of Journeyman Archivist for a few days of relaxation, brewery tours, beers, and sausages! Or at least that's what I'm planning. We'll be touring three breweries and the Schlitz Audubon Nature Center, checking ouThe Basilica of St. Josaphat, and eating at some of the city's most historic and delicious establishments. While dear Moto leaves on Monday, Johnny and I are staying until Wednesday to catch a Brewers game and possibly tour Taliesin in nearby Spring Green. 

I'll be sure to take lots of pictures to share! And who knows- maybe we'll come back with renewed zeal for home improvement!

PS:  Everyone be sure to send a tweet at Johnny (@Spizzle_Trunk) on July 4- it's his birthday!
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