I cannot remember the last time a thing, ie a tangible object, scared me. However, it has been just as long since a week passed where I did not foolishly allow myself to wander down a worm hole of progressively terrifying rhetorical questions.
Bristol Palin has a book? Who buys this? What do these people hope to take away from reading this book? What else do these people spend their money on? Is this connected to the persisting relevance of both the "coor's train" commercials, and the "confusing + non sequitur commentary on modern masculinity" miller light commercials???
When was the last time my favorite band changed? When was the last time I found an FM radio station that didn't do something to convince me to never listen to FM radio again within 10 minutes? How many cities will I fight this hopeless battle of finding a radio station that only plays 80's/90's alt-rock (nothing obscure, you can exclusively play REM - Green, Nirvana - Nevermind, and Pearl Jam - Ten, and I wouldn't complain)? When did my opinions on music change from twee leaning, humble brag, hipster ish, to a universal shout of "GET OFF MY LAWN"???
And most recently (with a simple epiphany): Man, I totally "get" the appeal of a Toyota Camry!
This car, starting at just over $20k, achieves an impressive 33 highway mpg with its peppy 4 cylinder despite no shortage of interior or cargo space. All seating positions are quite comfortable, and the driver has a clean view of all pertinent areas. The only thing that may hold up your purchase is choosing between "stone", "dark charcoal", and "graphite" for your exterior color!
Driving this car for a long weekend in a foreign to me city, it became abundantly clear that there is actually NOTHING wrong with it, yet the most positive thing I could find to say about it was "everything about this car is completely inoffensive". It is like instead of making a car with some outstanding feature to draw acclaim from colleague and competitor alike, Toyota chose to re-frame the argument of "what makes a car great", to make any potential dissenter seem absolutely mad, because any flaws with this car would have to be imagined. The only point against the car I could find, is that the interior controls give off a strong Jitterbug vibe (24pt font guys? and buttons I could easily manipulate with my toes... WHILE DRIVING??? I know who YOUR target demographic is!!!)
The ride is smooth, yet the handling is sharp.
The car accelerates well, yet is quiet and among the head of its class in fuel economy.
It is spacious, but easy to see out of and not totally ugly.
I totally understand why this is one of the best selling cars in America, but none of this could keep me from running to the car's privacy glass with the same fervor one hides the emblem of off brand clothing when amongst the cool.
There is no shame in the technology of this vehicle, but the gravy it poured over my personal brand prompted nothing but wishes to re-visit past decisions gone awry (also: 1000x cyanide tablets in my mouth).
You are probably laughing, but I'm afraid it may be for the wrong reasons. Let's try a different flavor analogy.
This car is sweatpants.
Comfortable. Functions adequately in any situation. Masks stains remarkably well. Everyone has a pair. You have to pay extra if you want any color other than white/black/gray.
But do you wear them when you care about the opinions of the people who will be seeing you?
NO!
I'm not saying I need designer jeans, or custom slacks for my every day, but come ON... sweat pants as your go to bottom is just depressing!
This car does everything I would ever need a car to do. Maybe I should ask all of my parents friends about how that plays out in the long run.
If finding yourself drawn to an object that is not only completely soul-less, but a scientifically backed designator of the onset of middle age, does not terrify you... then you have already lost. Paint the town beige and vote republican.
Bristol Palin has a book? Who buys this? What do these people hope to take away from reading this book? What else do these people spend their money on? Is this connected to the persisting relevance of both the "coor's train" commercials, and the "confusing + non sequitur commentary on modern masculinity" miller light commercials???
When was the last time my favorite band changed? When was the last time I found an FM radio station that didn't do something to convince me to never listen to FM radio again within 10 minutes? How many cities will I fight this hopeless battle of finding a radio station that only plays 80's/90's alt-rock (nothing obscure, you can exclusively play REM - Green, Nirvana - Nevermind, and Pearl Jam - Ten, and I wouldn't complain)? When did my opinions on music change from twee leaning, humble brag, hipster ish, to a universal shout of "GET OFF MY LAWN"???
And most recently (with a simple epiphany): Man, I totally "get" the appeal of a Toyota Camry!
This car, starting at just over $20k, achieves an impressive 33 highway mpg with its peppy 4 cylinder despite no shortage of interior or cargo space. All seating positions are quite comfortable, and the driver has a clean view of all pertinent areas. The only thing that may hold up your purchase is choosing between "stone", "dark charcoal", and "graphite" for your exterior color!
Driving this car for a long weekend in a foreign to me city, it became abundantly clear that there is actually NOTHING wrong with it, yet the most positive thing I could find to say about it was "everything about this car is completely inoffensive". It is like instead of making a car with some outstanding feature to draw acclaim from colleague and competitor alike, Toyota chose to re-frame the argument of "what makes a car great", to make any potential dissenter seem absolutely mad, because any flaws with this car would have to be imagined. The only point against the car I could find, is that the interior controls give off a strong Jitterbug vibe (24pt font guys? and buttons I could easily manipulate with my toes... WHILE DRIVING??? I know who YOUR target demographic is!!!)
The ride is smooth, yet the handling is sharp.
The car accelerates well, yet is quiet and among the head of its class in fuel economy.
It is spacious, but easy to see out of and not totally ugly.
I totally understand why this is one of the best selling cars in America, but none of this could keep me from running to the car's privacy glass with the same fervor one hides the emblem of off brand clothing when amongst the cool.
There is no shame in the technology of this vehicle, but the gravy it poured over my personal brand prompted nothing but wishes to re-visit past decisions gone awry (also: 1000x cyanide tablets in my mouth).
You are probably laughing, but I'm afraid it may be for the wrong reasons. Let's try a different flavor analogy.
This car is sweatpants.
Comfortable. Functions adequately in any situation. Masks stains remarkably well. Everyone has a pair. You have to pay extra if you want any color other than white/black/gray.
But do you wear them when you care about the opinions of the people who will be seeing you?
NO!
I'm not saying I need designer jeans, or custom slacks for my every day, but come ON... sweat pants as your go to bottom is just depressing!
This car does everything I would ever need a car to do. Maybe I should ask all of my parents friends about how that plays out in the long run.
If finding yourself drawn to an object that is not only completely soul-less, but a scientifically backed designator of the onset of middle age, does not terrify you... then you have already lost. Paint the town beige and vote republican.
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